Jonghyun rubbed his forehead desperately; recording today was very hard for him. It was not because MC-ing was hard but more because he couldn’t keep up his mind and concentration with his work. He felt sorry for the team although he tried his hard to be professional, left his problem behind and did his job but the again that wasn’t an easy task.
It had been two weeks since Mari’s disappearance and yet, he had no idea where she was. For sure she hadn’t leave Korea yet because at least he had enough trust on Jenna to tell him what Mari was up to—although work wise news. Then what made Jonghyun was quite desperate? Jenna was just texted him told that Mari resigned and about to come back to States, but she still had no idea where she was right now.
States, that country, Mari’s birth place.
There’s no way in hell Mari could come back to that place, to that bastard.
Reluctantly Jonghyun left FNC office, it was past midnight already. He heaved deep sigh when open the office gate, he spotted some fans but he was not in the mood to do fan service or something, he was too tired, too desperate and all.
That night, if people know who he was, they might think that Jonghyun already lost his mind or forget which dorm he should be, because he passed the building where he was actually living with the rest of CNBLUE’s member, he walked straight and crossed the street and went inside to the one of big and fancy building. Yes, it was Mari’s apartment, since Mari’s disappearance Jonghyun never came back to his dorm and stayed in Mari’s instead.
Inside the house, he couldn’t help but missing his sister so much, he could almost imagine that she was all over the place and suddenly guilt ate him alive. Why did he say those mean words? And now she was about to come back to States. What on earth that you’ve been thinking Lee Jonghyun, what do you does if she really comes back to State? It’s your entire fault, definitely your fault!!!
Jonghyun groaned in frustration while he harshly pulled the blanket over his body, the smell of Mari intruding his nose as he shut his eyes tight.
‘Mari where are you?’ he murmured.
He reached out his phone from his jeans pocket and dialed the number; it was only her he wanted to talk to right now. The only person who able to erase any bad thought and comfort him without doubt.
‘Mum, why are you haven’t sleep yet?’
There was chuckle from other line as reply.
‘You’re calling me, how I supposed to answer your call if I’m sleeping?’
Jonghyun smiled, that’s true.
‘I mean it’s already past midnight but you still pick up my phone, I didn’t expect you’ll answer me —’ Jonghyun’s word interrupted by woman’s voice that also greeted his mother over there.
‘Mum, why are you haven’t sleep yet? I told you not to wait for me; it’s pretty late already,’
Jonghyun sat up abruptly from his lying position and felt his body stiffen.
‘It’s okay, have you eat your dinner?’
‘Of course Mum, what time is it? Now go to sleep, it’s too late Mum,’
‘Alright, alright, I’ll go to sleep now,’
Jonghyun’s grip on his phone tightened, how on earth this could be happening? Right, of course! Jonghyun clapped his hands.
‘Jonghyun…,’ a called from the other line startled him.
‘Ah yes Mum,’
‘Are you calling to tell me something?’
‘Ahh no, just checking on you. Anyway, it’s too late now, you better go to sleep. I called just wanted to hear your voice. Good night Mum and I love you.’
‘You too, eat and rest well, alright?’
‘I have too much rest already,’ Jonghyun laughed. ‘Good night Mum.’
‘Good night, sleep tight.’
Wide smile plastered on his face, miracle! Yes it’s called miracle. Hastily he called his manager.
‘Yes it’s me,’ he replied once his manager picked up his called.
‘What happen? Where are you? Are you alright?’
‘Whoa whoa, easy, I’m fine, I just, well sorry to call you in the midnight. But can you help me to find a ticket to Busan tomorrow?’
‘It won’t take much time, just a day, I promise, we’re free aren’t we?’
‘It’s not ‘cause we’re free or not, but why are you suddenly want to go home, it’s there something happen?’
‘There’s nothing happen, I just wanna see Mum, that’s all,’
‘Is she alright?’
‘She’s alright, it’s all about me, okay? Anyway I’m in Mari’s house.’
‘Thanks, good night,’
That night passed by without Jonghyun could even close his eyes, his mind was travel away. Busan, where his family were all residing, why that’s possibility had never occur to him before? Where else she could be? She had no one in Korea but his family. Stupid Jonghyun, he cursed himself.
It was only 6.30 AM when his manager finally appeared at Mari’s house.
‘This is the ticket you asked for, but seriously, what happen? You can’t just… go,’
Jonghyun sighed; ‘I’ll go to see Mari, that’s all,’
‘She’s at Busan?’
‘I heard she’s resign, and it caused a bit chaos in the company,’
‘That’s why I’ll ask her to come back,’ Jonghyun said.
His manager nodded and stood up, ‘you can go by yourself can’t you?’
Jonghyun chuckled, ‘I can, don’t worry, I wont mess up,’
‘You better be,’
Silence surrounded him once again the moment his manager left the house. Jonghyun keep staring the ticket that lied on the table. Mari, Busan, flight ticket, what else he needed?
The only thing he needed to do right now was; grabbed the ticket and catch the flight, and that’s what he did. Shoved the flight ticket into his coat pocket, grabbed his car key and left the house immediately.
‘I won’t let you come back to States Mari, just let’s see what I could do to make you stay,’ he muttered to himself as he drove off.
Jonghyun knocked Jungshin’s room door,
‘Come in, it’s unlocked.’
To his surprise, Jungshin was lying on his bed with his bass on his stomach.
‘You wake up early,’ Jonghyun said.
‘Is there anything?’ Jungshin chuckled and put his bass aside.
Instead of answering Jonghyun walked back and forth in the room, he did not know how to start, it was complicated and definitely he needed to explain everything, which might take forever.
‘Is there anything happen? You barged in this early morning and your face is like somebody pressing you on something—’
‘I need you to go to Busan, to my home,’ Jonghyun blurted out.
Jungshin frowned and look at the elder with confuse look.
‘Busan? What for?’
‘Mari. Look Jungshin, do you remember Mari’s reason to stay?’ Jungshin nodded, still wondering himself what the connection among Busan, Mari, and Jonghyun who came quite unexpectedly. ‘The reason is you.’
Jungshin’s jaw dropped, what on earth is happening here? Jonghyun made quick explanation and Jungshin try his best to digest it. It was something he did not expect before; thus far he thought that Mari and Jonghyun was a couple. What a life.
‘You know I had quarrel that led her to this disappearance, I can’t and have no right to bring her back here, but, if you still want to start what you supposed to, she’s in Busan, at my home. As much as I wanna go there, nope, I can’t. I didn’t ask you help me to bring her back; I just give you two a chance. Here is the ticket,’
And without any other word, Jonghyun stepped out of the room, left Jungshin dumbfounded. Jungshin sighed, he was still surprised, and he amazed as well, how was that even possible? Mari, is actually like him,
“Mari is in Busan at my home,”
Jonghyun’s words chanted endlessly in his head, but should he? Should he be going?
‘I guess I made mistake by coming here,’ Jonghyun mumbled.
‘Oh why?’ Krystal turned to him and asked.
Jonghyun sighed and shrugged, he was eyeing Shinhye who sits beside him giggling over her phone, surely she was texting random things with her choding boyfriend, and then he turned to Minhyuk that was busy reading his script with his left arm rested around Krystal’s waist.
Krystal oh-ing from her silliness, ‘Jonghyun, haven’t you make up with Jinyi?’
Jonghyun just replied her with bitter smile. Before Krystal could start to speak again Minhyuk’s phose rang and his eyes widened in surprise upon seeing the name on his screen,
‘Hello?’ he answered, somebody over the line was speaking and Minhyuk raised his eyes occasionally, ‘he’s here by the way,’ he replied.
‘Jonghyun, Jinyi,’ Minhyuk shoved his phone to the man that seemed uninterested. ‘Jonghyun…’ Minhyuk waved his phone in front of Jonghyun.
‘Jinyi, she wants to talk, she said your phone is off,’
Jonghyun stared at his younger brother in disbelief, Jinyi?
Before Minhyuk could nag any longer Jonghyun grabbed Minhyuk’s phone and yes, it was Jinyi’s voice that greet him.
‘Collin, why your cell is off?’ the girl on the other line asked once he said hello.
‘Can I ask you favor?’
‘What is it?’ Jonghyun asked back, he was still in daze.
‘Can you pick me up? My car is resting on the hospital now,’
Jonghyun chuckled with her joke; it seemed like age he did not hear her joke.
‘Alright, I’ll be right there, I need place to escape too actually, here’s bloody annoying,’ he said as he glanced over his shoulder and looked up to newly coupled that giggled together and Shinhye that seemingly not done with her phone-date yet. Jonghyun sighed.
‘It’s nothing, I’ll go now,’
‘Okay I’m waiting, bye.’
‘I’ll see you soon.’
Soon Jinyi hung up the phone; Jonghyun returned the cell in his hand to the original owner who looked at him with eyebrows joined in one.
‘I’ll go first,’ Jonghyun made a quick goodbye as he grabbed his key car.
‘See you later, Shinhye, I’ll leaving,’ Jonghyun bid Shinhye and Minhyuk goodbye, he practically ignore Minhyuk’s call.
‘Oh, eh yeah, well drive safely,’ Shinhye startled as her attention was on her phone all the time.
Jonghyun chuckled and waved to Krystal,
‘Bye, make it up with Jinyi, will you?’
Jonghyun just laughed by Krystal’s suggestion, being the youngest among their girlfriends, Krystal was kind of sweet annoying girl sometimes, although on the other time she was a good loving girl.
‘You look terrible,’ that was the only word Jinyi said once Jonghyun standing next to her.
Jinyi traced her gaze to her precious Collin; his pale face was paler than before, he looked like someone who was losing his soul somewhere.
‘What?’ Jonghyun asked because Jinyi kept stripping him off with her gaze.
‘Nothing,’ she waved and stretched out her right hand,
‘Let me drive,’
‘What? No!’ Jonghyun rejected the idea almost immediately.
‘Oh come on you have no idea how terrible you are right now, how come I entrust my self to somebody that can’t even take care himself properly? Collin, give me the key…’
Jonghyun stood still.
Jonghyun sighed in defeat and handed over his car—Mari’s car actually—key to the female next to him.
‘If you insist,’ he said.
Jonghyun’s eyes widened when Jinyi opened passengers door and gestured to him to seat in.
‘Please, I’m tired already,’
Jonghyun looked at the girl who was still holding his car’s door. This girl, he thought. Eventually he did as he told.
But Jinyi seemed has not to be done yet with her order because once both of them inside the car, she gives Jonghyun another order.
‘I told you to lie down,’
Jonghyun stared at her blankly.
‘Lie down, I don’t know how many days you haven’t sleep already, but obviously you need rest, sleep to be exact, so will you please, lie down now and we’ll start to drive,’
‘Oh do you want to call somebody else Sir?’ Jonghyun just sat there, in silence, doubfounded by Jinyi’s strange action, ‘my name is Meahri, Sir, Im Meahri. So will you please Sir?’
For the second times Jonghyun sighed in defeat.
‘Thank you Sir,’ Jinyi winked and started the engine while Jonghyun chuckled, he really had no idea what he felt right now.
His heart pounded violently against his chest as if it going to jump out at any moment. But he held it back, he would hide everything as he acknowledged that he would only able to give pain than smile to the girl whose sitting on the driver seat.
Jonghyun startled when suddenly he felt warmth reaching and intertwining his fingers, he looked at it,
‘Don’t worry,’ she glanced, winked and diverted her attention back to the road again, ‘I’ll drive very slow and make sure we’ll reach home safely. You just get some rest, okay?’ she squeezed his hand lightly.
There nothing Jonghyun could do but smile and let Jinyi did whatever she pleased. He was beyond grateful to have her right now, holding her hands somehow encourage him from everything especially from the time since his fight with Mari some days ago. How could he resist her? He needed her, so much, but he could not doing anything, he had no right to ask her to stay, not with Mari was the center of his world and with her gone, there was no way for him to have peaceful love life anymore. Mari was everything for him, he promised to guard her, to accompany her to get through her life and he just sent her back to the hell she tried very hard to escape, what kind guardian was he? What kind of brother was he that pushed his sister back into her torturing past?
All those heavy thought driven Jonghyun to the light place where his feeling become light and lighter until he felt his shoulder being shaken, softly. There also a familiar voice that calling him lovingly, voice he was yearning about, the voice he really wanted to exchange even with his soul just to hear it once, was he dreaming? He should be.
Yeah, must be dreaming right now, she left him already. And he did not blame her either; he deserved it, whose going to voluntarily share someone their love with anybody else? He felt sorry for her; he loved her, so much but not enough to make him leaving his sister. As he ever said, in some occasion, Mari would come first, even with his own life.
‘Collin, wake up. We’re here already,’
But he did not want to wake up; he could not bear his own guilty. That feeling has eaten him alive since their fight that night. No, he did not want to wake up, because he knew once he did, this loving voice would also disappear and the only thing left was the fact he was all alone and he was the one who pusheed away his helpless sister. Yet he felt another shook on his shoulder,
‘Collin wake up now, you can sleep again inside,’
That voice was calling to wake him up yet again, but this time, he felt a delicate finger traced his face up and down slowly; it was right before he felt a light pinch on his cheek, place where usually his dimples appeared up.
He was about to curse to the ones who disturb his very nice dream, Jungshin apparently need bit judo lesson and he was more than ready to tackle the youngest member. But here he was, lied frozen, his eyes opened wide—as wide as his mouth— but strangely, no word uttered, and no curse, cursed. Beside him was sitting somebody he yearn badly, somebody that the voice rang in his dream just now, somebody that leaned her face close to him, very close, so if he dare enough to lean forward he would be able to kiss her.
‘What? Your expression as if you see a ghost, am I the ghost?’ she asked.
Jonghyun tried to compose himself while he muttering incoherent words before he sat up as Jinyi also moves backward and reluctantly got out from the car.
‘Go and sleep inside if you’re still sleepy,’ Jinyi told as Jonghyun took mineral water from her fridge.
‘What are you doing?’ he asked while he looked Jinyi following him into the kitchen and pulling apron around her body.
‘I’ll make breakfast for us, I’m hungry already,’
‘Can we eat outside? You must be tired —’
‘I’ll just make something easy, omelette, sausage, salad, you don’t mind, do you?’ Jinyi cut Jonghyun’s across.
‘Let me help,’
‘No, it’s okay, just get yourself rest, I’ll call you once it’s ready,’
‘Up to you then,’ Jinyi shrugged and began to prepare the food.
Jonghyun did his best to help though it’s more like he was messing up Jinyi’s kitchen rather than helping her. In less then twenty minutes later both of Jonghyun and Jinyi was settle down next to each other at Jinyi’s dining room.
Jinyi had to hold back her laughter upon seeing how Jonghyun was attacking his food; suddenly she remembered what Mari ever said before;
“Jonghyun had to eat right before he sleep otherwise he’ll finish off all food in the morning,”
‘What?’ Jonghyun asked once he realised the girl next to him did not touch her food yet but simply stared at him.
Jinyi shrugged and picked up her fork and knife,
‘Didn’t you eat anything last night?’ she asked.
Jonghyun rose up his head and shrugged as he took sip of water.
‘I forget when the last time I’m eating,’ he told the truth, ‘this is not bad.’ He said referring to the food he was eating.
‘I’m good at cooking,’ retorted Jinyi.
‘I’m sure you do,’ he replied and continued chewing his food.
Jonghyun slumped in the couch lazily with his eyes unfocused from the TV in front of him and the image someone he missed so much at the kitchen. Jinyi successfully shooed him out of the kitchen and insist he was better to watch TV or something.
‘I hate her,’ Jinyi said quietly as she took seat beside Jonghyun, the latter turned his head with question look. ‘I seriously hate her,’ she repeated, ‘I hate because she makes my Collin suffer like this,’
Jonghyun sat still, he froze on the spot not knowing what he should say or do. Before he would certainly reach her and pull his beloved into hug and attack her with kisses but now, he was not sure. He still wanted to but he force himself to hold it back, not with his mind was completely distracted by Mari, he did not want to hurt the only third women he loved, no more.
And his statue state continued as he suddenly felt warm feeling embraced his lips. His eyes widened in surprise.
‘Me Ahri-ah, what…’
‘Shut up and just kiss me,’ Jinyi replied in between her kiss and somehow the replied made Jonghyun choked so hard that causing him pulled away from the kiss abruptly.
Jonghyun was still coughing when he said; ‘I don’t know if you’re that bold,’
‘Blame you Collin,’ Jinyi pouted.
Jonghyun laughed and pulled Jinyi into tight hug.
‘I was so worry when you turn off your phone,’ Jinyi said as she rested her head upon Jonghyun’s chest.
‘I’m sorry, I just… I need sometime off,’
‘I thought you’re still looking for Mari,’
Jonghyun did not answer and stroked Jinyi’s hair gently instead, it took some time before he replied;
‘She’s an my home in Busan,’
Jinyi looked up at him but Jonghyun kept his eyes fixed at Jinyi’s ceiling room.
‘Then why you didn’t go after her? You should take her back here Collin,’
Jonghyun smiled bitterly and slowly shook his head.
‘No, I don’t have the right to do that, I hurt her deeply and I’m forgiven,’ after he claimed that her life was given by him, how could he expect Mari would forgive him? No, especially if there something happen to her, he would never forgive himself. The only his hope now was Jungshin. If he could bring Mari’s back or at least prevent her from her temptation to come back to States, than it would be enough for him.
‘I hope someday, she will acknowledge how much you love her,’ Jinyi surprised upon hearing herself; it looked like she was cheering up the man she loves to run into another girl’s arm. But seriously, she could not bear to see how dark her precious Collin’s face.
‘She knows, she knew it all along,’ Jonghyun replied weakly and bitterly.
Mari knew it, she knew what kind of feeling he had for her, but she choosed to ignore it, she choosed his family over him, she choosed to become his sister, no more.
Jinyi kissed Jonghyun’s bare chest softly, the only thing she could do for him now, this unrequited love, how long she could bear it? She decided once she called him today, but now, she was not sure anymore. It was the second time he unknowingly confess about his feeling toward Mari.
Love, why are you so complicated?