Jonghyun woke up with his stomach growled in hunger, he did not eat anything before sleep last night—Jonghyun had to eat before sleep.
‘Mum, what breakfast you make today? I don’t want fru—it,’ Jonghyun stunned upon seeing whose sat next to Mari who was cooking something on the dinner table instead in kitchen.
She was Jinyi.
The same as Jinyi, her jaw dropped when she found Jonghyun came out from Mari’s bedroom in crumple shape; his hair was messy—and messier since he has habit to randomly rummaged on the way out of the room—unshaven, and he only wore gray thank top and training pants—thanks he did not wear boxer only like what the other member always mentioned about.
For split second both of them froze on the spot before Mari broke the silence.
‘I thought you’ll wake up once the sun is going down,’ Mari said.
Jonghyun grinned and approached the two and casually took the chair next to Jinyi.
‘Ahh what do you make?’ Jonghyun asked, ‘what a surprise to see you’re here,’ he went to greet Jinyi with as casual tone as possible.
‘Well me too, I didn’t expect to see you here either,’ Jinyi’s voice was different but both Jonghyun and Mari seemed did not aware—or pretend?
‘You,’ Mari pointed to Jonghyun and ordered when the younger reached a plate, ‘Go and shave!’
‘Later, I’m starving now,’ Jonghyun refused and about to go on and Mari hit his chopstick when Jonghyun tried to take the pancake,
‘I’ll do it later, now let me eat first,’ Jonghyun insisted and Mari also kept hitting on his chopstick. ‘Mum, I didn’t eat anything last night,’
‘I thought we had dinner last night?’ Jinyi suddenly interrupted the fight.
Mari and Jonghyun stopped their fight almost immediately and it was like both of them realized that not only both of them on the dining room but there somebody else, Yoon Jinyi.
Jonghyun blushed Jinyi’s statement and he dropped his chopstick but he looked to the elder woman with pleading look and she glared instead.
‘He always eats right before sleeping, otherwise he’ll finish everything in the morning,’ Mari told Jinyi and she went to told Jonghyun, ‘How many times I’ve told you, shave first before going off the room.’
With sulky face Jonghyun stood up without word and left the dining room for two reasons; first, with Jinyi around it was impossible for him to fight Mari—over the pancakes—and secondly, he obviously did not want ruin his image further, enough for Jinyi to see his morning disaster look today.
‘I don’t know when he home last night, I told him not to worry me but he never didn’t listen,’ Mari told and Jinyi only replied with small smile. ‘I’m thinking about moving too, have you any idea about it? A nice place with a nice view? I need another room, so Jonghyun can have his own room when sleepover.’
‘I have no idea, but I’ll try to look for it. I’ll let you know if I find one,’ Jinyi shortly replied.
Little did Mari know Jonghyun overheard their conversation, moving? She never told me about that? He frowned.
The atmosphere between Jonghyun and Jinyi was pretty stiff especially after they dropped Mari into her office.
‘Aissh… it’s embarrassing,’ Jonghyun suddenly said, they were still at the Mari’s office carpark.
‘You’ve just discovered what the real Jonghyun looks like,’
Jinyi could not help but burst out into laughter and the image of crumple Jonghyun formed vividly in her eyes.
‘She’s facing a hard time right now, it’s like she spent almost of her entire life to break the wall she made but the result is unexpectedly. I was the one who convince her to get out but now I think I made mistake and I can’t leave her alone this way.’ Jonghyun said out of the blue.
‘Mari seems fine,’
‘That’s her, she kept her sorrow only for her own, she won’t let anyone to get closer to her or take a look inside of her,’ Jonghyun shook his head.
‘She’s close to you though,’
‘Yeah, only me and other CNBLUE members. I guess because we’re met when all of us were suffering and we’re hand in hand to help each other, but she trust me the most I think, ‘cause I’m her brother,’ Jonghyun chuckled.
Jinyi smiled too, but her face still reflected something, something she curious about but did not know how to reveal it.
‘We used to sleepover in each other place,’ Jonghyun said further upon recognize Jinyi’s questioning look. ‘But I guess it’s only me who dare to sleep in her bed…, what?’ Jonghyun asked when Jinyi looked at him with strange look as if she tried to dig something from his explanation. Jonghyun gazed Jinyi back who did not elaborate the meaning ofher stare, it took few seconds for Jonghyun to understand what did she really mean and he face-palmed.
‘Blimey, do you think me and Mari… Gosh, that’s creepy!!! How come you suspect me and…’ Jonghyun was unable to continue his words and shook his head heavily.
‘You both normal and mature enough,’ Jinyi shrugged.
Jonghyun’s eyes widened in surprised.
‘So do you really think our relationship like that one!? I maybe a normal guy but trust me, she wuld be the last woman I slept with, she’s my sister.’ Jinyi shrugged, again. ‘You don’t believe me, do you?
‘You know, there incest—‘
Jonghyun was angry. He really was, he was upset and disappointed that Jinyi had little faith in him.
Due to his anger with Jinyi, Jonghyun screw up CNBLUE’s daily practice today, he could not help but sorry for his fellow band mates who affected by his own issue.
‘Sorry, really,’ said Jonghyun after put down his guitar harshly.
‘Is there something going on?’ Minhyuk asked.
‘Is something to do with Mari? Or she makes you angry?’ asked Yonghwa.
‘No, she’s never, it’s Jinyi,’
Jungshin raised his head, looking at the three.
‘Ohhh what happen? Did I miss something here?’ Minhyuk exclaimed with excitement.
Jungshin really wanted to stay and listen to the whole story but unfortunately he could not, he had schedule to finish and that made him slightly angry.
‘I shall go first,’ Jungshin excused to his member.
‘Ah okay, will you home for dinner?’ Yonghwa asked.
‘I don’t think so, I need to film all night along, bye guys,’
They waved each other as Jungshin left the practice studio.
‘So, what makes you upset toward Jinyi?’ Yonghwa asked.
Jonghyun recounted the whole story right what had happen this morning in Mari’s apartment and his conversation with Jinyi.
Yonghwa laughed while Minhyuk teasingly smiled.
‘It’s no surprise,’ said Minhyuk.
‘What did you mean?’ Jonghyun confusedly asked.
‘Didn’t you realize many already suspected your two relationships?’ Yonghwa asked.
‘Ahh… people are…’ Jonghyun didn’t continue his words and laid on the floor instead. ‘Mari is like my second mother, that’s all, and all we shared just bed and blanket, its plain sleep! We’re just sleep, and you two didn’t believe me either?’
‘We do,’ Minhyuk said, ‘but other isn’t, and about Jinyi, I think she needs trust. She needs to know how far you and Mari go, however she is about to laid her faith in you.’
Jonghyun didn’t reply, but kept staring the studio ceiling.
Jonghyun merely eat his food an playing with it instead. The food seemingly did not please him.
‘Don’t you like the food?’ Mari asked.
Jonghyun shook his head slowly.
Mari leaned forward and observed his face,
‘Is something happen?’
‘Are we that strange?’ Jonghyun asked in flat voice.
Mari raised her eyebrow, ‘what did you mean?’ Jonghyun shrugged, ‘apparently you got into gossip poison too,’ Mari chuckled when she awared with his question.
‘I guess so,’
‘So what are you gonna do?’
‘Nothing actually, they’re just bunch creepy people,’ Jonghyun shrugged.
Honestly he lied, when it came to Jinyi everything mattered.
‘Well now tell me what you said to Jinyi yesterday?’
Jonghyun raised his head, looked at Mari straight into her eyes.
‘Yeah, it’s stupid mistake,’ before Jonghyun recounted his story back at the Han River bank. And Mari burst out into laughter upon hearing Jonghyun’s story.
‘Are you fool?’ Mari laughed.
‘It’s accident, I didn’t even realize what I’ve said, and it’s just slipped out of nowhere,’
‘Lee Jonghyun, you always said in every interview, you’ll play her a confession song, whose gonna believe that you just simply said,
“what if my feeling to you wasn’t pretense”, what the confession was that?’ Mari teased.
Jonghyun reddish face now turns red completely.
‘That was accident, I didn’t count on that!’
Mari ignored him and stood up, put her dirty plate and bowl on the dish washer.
‘Will you sleep here or go home
‘Go home I guess,’ Mari chuckled upon hearing his reply, ‘what was that for?’
‘Nothing, just make sure you turn off all the lamps, I don’t want any lamps on when I wake up,’
‘Okay,’ Jonghyun shrugged. ‘But you’re sure you okay all alone?’
Mari did not reply and merely scoffed before she headed to her room.
Since Mari’s crying incident some days ago, Jonghyun turned to be Mari’s shadow, especially with his anger to Jinyi for not having enough trust on him. Jonghyun prefer to spend his free time with her rather than visiting Jinyi on her filming set. Just like today, he was waiting for Mari to go home together when Mari’s advice kept replying in his head like broken record.
“You have to talk to her, or do you want me to help?” Mari asked when they are both about to sleep yesterday night.
‘Should I talk to her?’ Junghyun mumbled and he rummaged his hair in frustration, what happen with me, I miss her so much.
Suddenly Mari’s voice and figure when she played piano and sang CNBLUE’s song My Miracle forming clearly in his eyes.
Jonghyun smiled and now he knew what he should do. He hurriedly sent text to Mari and left the car park. Rather late already, but Jonghyun did not care, the urge got on him and he felt that he should do right now or he would regret.
Jinyi’s apartment building was quite for the night almost reach midnight, but there at the 10th floors Jonghyun saw the lamp was still on. He fished out his phone and dialed the familiar numbers.
‘I’m downstairs, will you come down?’ said Jonghyun once Jinyi replied his hello.
Jinyi opened her bedroom curtain and saw a man leaned against the milky white mini cooper driver door, he smiled at her. She hesitated at first, one part of her told to ignore him but the other part was curious what brought Jonghyun come to her place in this late. And finally it was her curiosity won and Jinyi obeyed to come down and she saw Jonghyun’s smile grew wider exposing his dimples.
‘Thanks for coming, I thought you won’t see me again,’ said Jonghyun.
‘It was you that never call or text me firstly,’
Jonghyun grinned, ‘that’s different with meeting face to face.’
Jinyi chuckled upon hearing Jonghyun’s excuses.
‘So, what now?’ Jinyi asked, ‘is there anything you want to tell me?’
Jonghyun shook his head and walked around his car and opened passenger seat door.
‘There something I wanna show you, please,’ he asked Jinyi to sit in.
Almost all the way they drive both Jonghyun and Jinyi share a silent moment. Until Jonghyun parked his car under a big tree, and Jinyi recognized it was the place she ever visit—also with Jonghyun—some time ago.
By the time Jinyi stepped out from the car and looked into the distant down there, the view was incredibly beautiful. It was like ocean of sparkling lamps and the stars join in one harmony. No wonder Mari loves this place because it is pretty beautiful.
From behind suddenly Jinyi heard somebody sings a song, yes it was Jonghyun put out his guitar and sang;
Such a feeling’s coming over me from you
There is only one wish on my mind
I long to be close to you
I long to be close to you
I’ll be in you side
You’re miracle to me
Miracle to me
Let me tell you this
I don’t wanna love your love
You’re miracle to me
Miracle to me
Let me tell you this
But I cannot explain how much I love you
There’s nothing could compare what Jinyi’s feeling at the moment as she spun around to find the source and Jonghyun was there, stood couples steps before her, held his guitar and serenaded her.
Jonghyun continued to sing when Jinyi stood frozen on the spot. She almost forget how beautiful Jonghyun’s voice was, how tender he delivered the song to her.
‘For me, you’re my miracle Meahri,’ he said once he finished sing the song. ‘It’s true that between me and Mari there is something none can’t understand. But one thing I can be sure of, our relationship is always to be a brother and sister, no more.’
‘How can you be sure? None knows what future will be like,’
‘Exception for me and Mari, it’s fate and we can’t change ’
‘You’re not God.’
‘As for my relationship with Mari, I can be the God, between us there thick and high wall that none of us wanted to break through, especially her. No matter how much we wanted to take our relationship into the different level, but nope. We can’t, I can’t tell you why or what we had share in the past ‘cause it’s not my capability to talk to. It’s true that you will share piece of me with her but of course in different way.’
‘Didn’t you realize, that you’ve just confessed that both of you have more than brother and sister feeling?’
‘We were or I was to be exact,’
Jinyi’s heart sank upon hearing what Jonghyun had said, she knew from the start how blunt he was but of course she was never expect that he would say that word, “I was to be exact,” Oh my, why didn’t he just say, “no, we never,”?
‘But she refused it, she tends to be my sister rather than to be someone I love as lover, she loves me as her little brother.’
‘What make you think that I’ll swallow whatever you said to me?’
Jinyi’s eyes widened. Nothing? What does he mean?
‘Then why you did to do something like this?’ Jinyi couldn’t help herself but asked. Jonghyun had expected nothing then what did he want from her?
‘In some occasions Mari is more important than my own life, so, I can’t ask you to trust in me or stick with me; I just do whatever I want to do to prove my feeling. For me not to regret in the future ‘cause I giving up that easy.’
Now it was clear for Jinyi, if she wanted to stick with this man, it was mean she had to share her love with other woman although the man she loved claim that they share their love in different ways. But did it make any differences? This man next to her admitted he ever had crush on somebody he claimed to be his sister. Jinyi walked in the man she loved come out from his sister room in the morning and since the house only has one room, that was mean both of them had shared bed. What else both of them could share? Jinyi had no courage to imagine it and now this man turned everything into her hands. He did not expect something when he—finally—confessed his feeling properly. And now, everything went around to her, if Jinyi wished to keep their relationship alive, Mari would of course be a part of the deal. The question is, will she? Will Jinyi bear their sharing? Or does Mari know this all along? But knowing Jonghyun, Jinyi almost sure that Mari knows nothing.
Just like before, both Jonghyun and Jinyi shared silent moment all the way they get back to Jinyi’s house. No one of them spoke and no music been played either.
‘I didn’t push you,’ Jonghyun finally said once he parked his car—well, technically it was Mari’s car—in front of Jinyi’s apartment building as for Jinyi, she was still kept he silence. ‘I’m prepare for either,’
‘Can you, at least, let me know why Mari is way much important than me,’ Jinyi asked quietly.
‘No I can’t,’ here was the stubborn Jonghyun if people did not know how stubborn he was. ‘You way more important to me right now, it just some occasions I choose Mari over everything that might come to me.’
‘But what kind of occasions!?’ Jinyi almost yelled by her frustration, how come there people as stubborn as Jonghyun?
‘I told you I can’t explain it’s not my capability…’
‘Do you mean I have to trust you blindly?’
‘For now, yes,’
‘I can’t believe this,’ her voice rose. ‘What if both of you…’ Jinyi didn’t finish his sentences but Jonghyun seemed understand what Jinyi wanted to say.
‘If you can’t trust me, then we’re better not to continue this,’ he concluded and added. ‘I’m done with my part, tell my what is your decision.’
Jinyi made her way out of the car without word or even looked at Jonghyun, she was beyond furious and seriously did not understand the way Jonghyun think. As for Jonghyun, he just left Jinyi’s apartment once he saw she switch off her lamp. He felt sorry for her but for him there no choice and he said the truth, sometimes Mari came first even for his life. If only Jinyi knew Jonghyun ever wanted to leave his band just because their manager not allowed him to visit Mari.
Jonghyun slipped under the blanket once he arrived at Mari’s condo unit. Mari was already sleeping and this is one of his favorite times, watching her sleeping. He ever loved this woman as lover but now she was no more than his sister otherwise how could he just sleep comfortably next to her? Why Jinyi couldn’t understand that?